Weight: I stopped checking for the time being.
Random thoughts...
My head is a jumbled up mess with a thousand things knocking around. I feel like I can mostly focus on what I need to during the day but in those off hours everything comes creeping in and occupies me. They try to take control and beat me up and wear me down. I'm like Jekyll and Hyde.
I'm so exhausted. I am going from the time the baby wakes up in the morning until the baby goes to sleep. And I'm ready to crash by then, too. There's no time in my day that is just mine, unless I stay up late. I just want a little peace that's mine in my day. Time that's my time. At a normal hour. You know? Are people with kids able to have that in their lives or do I have to wait for a long while to get it?
I have such a respect for single parents and families with multiple children. I don't know how people do it.
I spoke to my younger sister this morning. She was crying uncontrollably about how much she was missing our dad. There were things she didn't get to tell him, she says, and he shouldn't have died yet. We talked about it all for a bit and when I called her back this evening she said she was feeling better. It just makes me sad to see my family so upset. It's hard for me to hear that raw pain on the other side of the phone. I know we're all feeling it, though, especially as we all try to live with the huge gaping hole in our lives where my dad used to be.
A "friend" on Facebook wrote this as one of her posts today:
"
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Bells are ringing, children singing, all is merry and bright
Okay, so maybe it's not Christmas weather out there today but I can't help but be in a good mood with this beautiful weather and warm sun shining down! Plus, it's Friday! I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend, some good football and getting the house decorated for Christmas. This is the first year my son is really aware of the lights and decorations so it'll be fun to watch him enjoy it all. Christmas is my absolute favorite season.
My co-worker read something to me from a book she has. The beginning of the quote is "Procrastination is a thief." Can't find truer words than that. I need a plan of action here before I allow more time to be stolen from me.
Happy weekend!
My co-worker read something to me from a book she has. The beginning of the quote is "Procrastination is a thief." Can't find truer words than that. I need a plan of action here before I allow more time to be stolen from me.
Happy weekend!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
I'm drowning...
Current Weight: 322
No posts since May...and obviously no weight loss.
I'm having the roughest time lately and I don't know how to snap out of it. I wish things were as easy as just being able to "snap out of it". Wait, are they? I need focus, I need energy, I need some happiness. I'm working on it, though, and that's sometimes all you can do. I guess.
My dad passed away in July. He and my mom were visiting for the 4th and, after passing out at the airport and having a pacemaker put in, he died in his sleep at my home. It was totally unexpected. I used to talk to him almost every day and I'm feeling more down than ever about not having him here. I never felt like he was the glue that held us all together but somehow that's what it was. My sisters and I worry a lot about my mom and the hold that my brother now has on her. It's created problems that would never be if he were here. It's all too much to write about here, that messy family stuff, but it's all there knocking around in the back of my head and silently consuming energy.
My friends wedding took place a week after my dad's funeral. I got the second dress altered. It fit okay when I went into the seamstress but didn't fit so well when I got dressed at the wedding. Hard to believe I could gain enough weight in just in a few weeks to have such a tight dress. I felt awful and looked awful. Maybe I'll be brave one day and post that picture. I was there for my friend, though, and did all the good friend stuff someone should do. I hope she has a long and happy life with her new husband.
So...my dad died from congestive heart failure. He had it six years ago and was also diagnosed a diabetic. After getting healthy back then, he managed the illness mostly with his diet. He really was pretty healthy at the point that he passed away. Unfortunately, disease takes a toll on the body over time and his heart stopped beating anyway 24 hours after the pacemaker was put in. If that's not a wake up call to get healthy then what is, right??
I joined Quick Weight Loss Center about six weeks ago. Did the online thing to have everything shipped to me. I got all my food and started day one and blew it by that afternoon. Never got to day two. I want to start again but I have a million excuses...Christmas is coming...I have to make cookies for all my clients and how can I not eat them...I'm going to be with my family at Christmas and how can I not be drinking...I do want to make all these pills be useful afterall, right...and so on. I know that it's ridiculous that I should even have an internal debate about when to start a diet but I guess that's the problem when you have weight and eating issues.
I've spent many months feeling down, feeling lost, drowning in the world around me. I truly can't comprehend how I can have such a desire to change something but can't. Nobody's stopping me from exercising or making healthy food choices. I have a choice to not eat crap when I'm upset, right? I'm sabatoging myself and I honeslty can't stand it.
I made a decision this week and I was going to focus on positive and stop dwelling. I'm working on building up my business and am trying not to beat myself up for not getting it done faster. Slow and steady, I guess, wins the race, right? My co-worker and I have decided to start walking here at work during the day. We went today for 20 minutes. I'm trying to at least cut down on the crap and work on trying to find other outlets to handle my stress/anxiety/depression/etc.
I'm turning 40 next December and I CANNOT go into that decade at this weight. I've got to get my act together and I've got to lose this weight. I worry that almost a year ago I said the same thing but something has just got to give on this. I know that if I can just get started that the excitement of losing weight is a great way to keep going. So, my two readers, keep tuned in and follow the journey with me. And if you have helpful suggestions, I'd love the advice.
Until next time (much, much sooner, I promise!),
Bekah
No posts since May...and obviously no weight loss.
I'm having the roughest time lately and I don't know how to snap out of it. I wish things were as easy as just being able to "snap out of it". Wait, are they? I need focus, I need energy, I need some happiness. I'm working on it, though, and that's sometimes all you can do. I guess.
My dad passed away in July. He and my mom were visiting for the 4th and, after passing out at the airport and having a pacemaker put in, he died in his sleep at my home. It was totally unexpected. I used to talk to him almost every day and I'm feeling more down than ever about not having him here. I never felt like he was the glue that held us all together but somehow that's what it was. My sisters and I worry a lot about my mom and the hold that my brother now has on her. It's created problems that would never be if he were here. It's all too much to write about here, that messy family stuff, but it's all there knocking around in the back of my head and silently consuming energy.
My friends wedding took place a week after my dad's funeral. I got the second dress altered. It fit okay when I went into the seamstress but didn't fit so well when I got dressed at the wedding. Hard to believe I could gain enough weight in just in a few weeks to have such a tight dress. I felt awful and looked awful. Maybe I'll be brave one day and post that picture. I was there for my friend, though, and did all the good friend stuff someone should do. I hope she has a long and happy life with her new husband.
So...my dad died from congestive heart failure. He had it six years ago and was also diagnosed a diabetic. After getting healthy back then, he managed the illness mostly with his diet. He really was pretty healthy at the point that he passed away. Unfortunately, disease takes a toll on the body over time and his heart stopped beating anyway 24 hours after the pacemaker was put in. If that's not a wake up call to get healthy then what is, right??
I joined Quick Weight Loss Center about six weeks ago. Did the online thing to have everything shipped to me. I got all my food and started day one and blew it by that afternoon. Never got to day two. I want to start again but I have a million excuses...Christmas is coming...I have to make cookies for all my clients and how can I not eat them...I'm going to be with my family at Christmas and how can I not be drinking...I do want to make all these pills be useful afterall, right...and so on. I know that it's ridiculous that I should even have an internal debate about when to start a diet but I guess that's the problem when you have weight and eating issues.
I've spent many months feeling down, feeling lost, drowning in the world around me. I truly can't comprehend how I can have such a desire to change something but can't. Nobody's stopping me from exercising or making healthy food choices. I have a choice to not eat crap when I'm upset, right? I'm sabatoging myself and I honeslty can't stand it.
I made a decision this week and I was going to focus on positive and stop dwelling. I'm working on building up my business and am trying not to beat myself up for not getting it done faster. Slow and steady, I guess, wins the race, right? My co-worker and I have decided to start walking here at work during the day. We went today for 20 minutes. I'm trying to at least cut down on the crap and work on trying to find other outlets to handle my stress/anxiety/depression/etc.
I'm turning 40 next December and I CANNOT go into that decade at this weight. I've got to get my act together and I've got to lose this weight. I worry that almost a year ago I said the same thing but something has just got to give on this. I know that if I can just get started that the excitement of losing weight is a great way to keep going. So, my two readers, keep tuned in and follow the journey with me. And if you have helpful suggestions, I'd love the advice.
Until next time (much, much sooner, I promise!),
Bekah
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
And it begins. Again.
Today's weight 320.4. Goal by next Tuesday is 2.5 pounds.
Not a perfect day yesterday...trying to eat the crap left in the house. Had cheerios for breakfast and an iced coffee (larger than I should have but it's that kind of day). Will work on being on track for the rest, though.
I have been on antibiotics since Sunday for almost ear infections and something close to but not quite strep throat. My son is also started his third round of antibiotics for a double ear infection that won't go away. We had fevers all weekend. My husband, who suffers from depression, is very depressed. He's decided that all his problems and misery is my fault. He can't stand living with me. I'm a negligent parent. I forced him to have our child. I am forcing him to divorce me and he'll once again lose out on raising his child (second marriage for him). As a result of this depression, he can't focus on in work and I am practically the sole money earner. He's mad that I have my son with a babysitter three times a week - I forced it, he says - but refused to compromise on splitting time during the week so I could focus on getting my work done prior to getting the babysitter. I get up and work in the middle of the night to catch up on my stuff while he crawls into bed at 9 and sleeps till 8.
My chest is so tight and it's more than my zoloft can handle. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
My life has never been one of balance. I've been working hard to get good help in place for my son and for my company so that the time I spend with my son is good quality time and he's not just on the floor in my office every day. I am trying to make sure my clients are serviced the way I know they need to be. I'm trying to manage my house - unsuccessfully, I might add - with little help from my husband or step son who lives with us.
I don't know if this is everyone's life. Maybe it's an extreme or it's all relative. But it's so hard when you're an emotional overeater to make the right choices when you have this kind of crap constantly in your life. It's hard when you're so exhausted and overworked to get up and go out and exercise your ass off, literally. But I'm going to, dammit.
Not a perfect day yesterday...trying to eat the crap left in the house. Had cheerios for breakfast and an iced coffee (larger than I should have but it's that kind of day). Will work on being on track for the rest, though.
I have been on antibiotics since Sunday for almost ear infections and something close to but not quite strep throat. My son is also started his third round of antibiotics for a double ear infection that won't go away. We had fevers all weekend. My husband, who suffers from depression, is very depressed. He's decided that all his problems and misery is my fault. He can't stand living with me. I'm a negligent parent. I forced him to have our child. I am forcing him to divorce me and he'll once again lose out on raising his child (second marriage for him). As a result of this depression, he can't focus on in work and I am practically the sole money earner. He's mad that I have my son with a babysitter three times a week - I forced it, he says - but refused to compromise on splitting time during the week so I could focus on getting my work done prior to getting the babysitter. I get up and work in the middle of the night to catch up on my stuff while he crawls into bed at 9 and sleeps till 8.
My chest is so tight and it's more than my zoloft can handle. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
My life has never been one of balance. I've been working hard to get good help in place for my son and for my company so that the time I spend with my son is good quality time and he's not just on the floor in my office every day. I am trying to make sure my clients are serviced the way I know they need to be. I'm trying to manage my house - unsuccessfully, I might add - with little help from my husband or step son who lives with us.
I don't know if this is everyone's life. Maybe it's an extreme or it's all relative. But it's so hard when you're an emotional overeater to make the right choices when you have this kind of crap constantly in your life. It's hard when you're so exhausted and overworked to get up and go out and exercise your ass off, literally. But I'm going to, dammit.
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Fat Side of 24
It's officially 2 months before my friends wedding. 4 1/2 months since I said I was starting this diet. What have I lost in total? NOTHING. What have I gained in total? 5 pounds.
My friend just sent a email this morning saying that they received the dresses from China and they're all running small so they're sending them to us and we need to try them on so they immediately so they can figure out if they need to order more fabric or do something entirely different. 2 months before the wedding.
So, don't even get my started on why anyone in their right mind would order dressed for your wedding from overseas when there are a thousand and one stores here for all the bridesmaids throughout the country to get to and try on a dress. Insanity.
My dilemma: I told her to order me a size 22. I thought I would at least lose one size and would hopefully have lost more so that I could have the dress taken in for the wedding. But I'm still on the fat side of 24.
I know I've said it in my posts - or at least in my head - but it's time to get serious. Even if the dress doesn't end up fitting, I want to look better than I do for this wedding and in general. I hate how I look. I feel so ugly and can't believe how awful I look in pictures. Never mind my friend, but I owe it to myself to look as good as I can at this wedding.
So here's my 8 week plan ladies and gentlemen (or just me since no one else reads this):
I want to lose 20 pounds, which comes down to 2.5 per week. It's a lofty goal, I know, but I think with a good diet and exercise my body will really be shocked into loss for a few weeks.
1. I will start exercising every day for 30 minutes will up that by 15 minutes every 2 weeks until I'm at an hour.
2. I will drink only one cup of coffee in the morning (I do add creamer and will not stop that).
3. I will drink AT LEAST 80 ounces of water every day.
4. No junk food. Standard diet - salad, veggies, white meat or fish, etc..
5. I will write my progress every day in order to try to keep my head clear enough to maintain my focus.
A busy, busy self-owned business, a baby to take care of and a house to manage is a tough combination for someone who's an emotional eater. I hate that the theory of losing weight, or even managing the weight you lose, is so easy and yet it's so hard to get in the right place to do it. It's hard not to beat yourself up about it and, in turn, somehow eat more to feel better about it.
8 weeks. It's all I have left. I'm past doing this for the wedding. That passed me by a long time ago. Now I have to do this for myself.
Until tomorrow, myself...good thoughts.
My friend just sent a email this morning saying that they received the dresses from China and they're all running small so they're sending them to us and we need to try them on so they immediately so they can figure out if they need to order more fabric or do something entirely different. 2 months before the wedding.
So, don't even get my started on why anyone in their right mind would order dressed for your wedding from overseas when there are a thousand and one stores here for all the bridesmaids throughout the country to get to and try on a dress. Insanity.
My dilemma: I told her to order me a size 22. I thought I would at least lose one size and would hopefully have lost more so that I could have the dress taken in for the wedding. But I'm still on the fat side of 24.
I know I've said it in my posts - or at least in my head - but it's time to get serious. Even if the dress doesn't end up fitting, I want to look better than I do for this wedding and in general. I hate how I look. I feel so ugly and can't believe how awful I look in pictures. Never mind my friend, but I owe it to myself to look as good as I can at this wedding.
So here's my 8 week plan ladies and gentlemen (or just me since no one else reads this):
I want to lose 20 pounds, which comes down to 2.5 per week. It's a lofty goal, I know, but I think with a good diet and exercise my body will really be shocked into loss for a few weeks.
1. I will start exercising every day for 30 minutes will up that by 15 minutes every 2 weeks until I'm at an hour.
2. I will drink only one cup of coffee in the morning (I do add creamer and will not stop that).
3. I will drink AT LEAST 80 ounces of water every day.
4. No junk food. Standard diet - salad, veggies, white meat or fish, etc..
5. I will write my progress every day in order to try to keep my head clear enough to maintain my focus.
A busy, busy self-owned business, a baby to take care of and a house to manage is a tough combination for someone who's an emotional eater. I hate that the theory of losing weight, or even managing the weight you lose, is so easy and yet it's so hard to get in the right place to do it. It's hard not to beat yourself up about it and, in turn, somehow eat more to feel better about it.
8 weeks. It's all I have left. I'm past doing this for the wedding. That passed me by a long time ago. Now I have to do this for myself.
Until tomorrow, myself...good thoughts.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Confession #1: I'm a closet eater
Weight today: 316 [8 pounds lost]
I'm a believer in beginning as I intend to go on. I did do really well the first week of my cleanse. I lost 3 pounds in the first 3 days, which brought me to a total of 10 pounds for January. I was so excited! I was sure I was "in" it enough to continue with the next 10 pounds in February. Piece of cake!
And it's always that damn piece(s) of cake that does you in...
So, here's my week: last Saturday I had to go up to my old office because we've moved to another location and we had to get our furniture into storage. I am dragging more than I can handle and decide to stop at Dunkin's for a cup of coffee. And if I'm going to get coffee, why not get a bagel to go with it, right? Yup. We (the guys we hired, really) finished the moving and I headed off to the grocery store to get something for dinner. We had a friend coming over to visit!
I veered, once again, off of track and bought chicken. Not part of the cleanse. I made lemon chicken - the chicken is cooked in butter and it's in a lemon cream sauce. So, so delicious but not so healthy!! I also had a margarita and a cider. We did have salad with dinner, so I guess that's something....
On to Sunday. My stepson's birthday. I did well in the morning and when we went out to dinner I had a Caesar salad and tomatoes with mozzarella. Dairy (mozzarella) isn't part of the cleanse but still better than other options in an Italian restaurant. I had no intention of having cake but ended up not being able to resist and had a nice, big piece before I went to bed.
Weekend pretty much blown. By Monday I had gained back the 3 pounds I'd lost AND I'm not at my 10 pound goal for January. But a new week brings a new, fresh start, right? Yah...
I know, I know, none of this is in the "closet" yet, right? Well, I went grocery shopping on Monday. Bought lots of veggies, green drinks, whole wheat goodness and...a box of chocolate chip cookies. The followed me through the entire store! I passed by the bakery just fine but there they were in an end-cap that I passed by, like, three times trying to find funky foods I need for these cleanse recipes. I had to have them.
I got home and nobody was there. Tore into the cookies and then hid them in a cabinet. Oh, and I also had another piece of stupid birthday cake. Tuesday night, when hubby went to the grocery store, I had some more and then put them in the cabinet by my bed. I was hungry at 3 AM when I was up with the baby and finished them off. What the hell is wrong with me??
I've never admitted this out loud: I have a habit of buying foods that aren't healthy - cookies, frosting, candies - and secretly eating them. I clearly know I shouldn't have them, hence the reason for hiding the eating. My husband doesn't tell me I shouldn't have it if I just put it in the cabinet, though, it's all me. I don't want people to know I am eating it. It's a problem that I don't understand and don't know quite how to fix. I hope if I just try to continue to focus on my weight loss that I'll be able to stop as I start losing and seeing a difference.
I want to lose this weight. I don't want to continue to sabotage my weight loss goals. I want to meet my 60 pound goal for my friends wedding. I don't want to be secretly eating foods that I shouldn't have. I need to get my act together and focus on what I need to do. I know I'll feel better - and healthier - if I do. Why is it so hard to do all that stuff?
Here are 3 things I am going to do and report back on by Monday:
1. Exercise for 20 minutes for three of the four days.
2. 1 cup of coffee only and no other sweets, including alcohol, through the day.
3. Drink AT LEAST 8 glasses of water. More is better.
It's manageable, right? Let's hope!
I'm a believer in beginning as I intend to go on. I did do really well the first week of my cleanse. I lost 3 pounds in the first 3 days, which brought me to a total of 10 pounds for January. I was so excited! I was sure I was "in" it enough to continue with the next 10 pounds in February. Piece of cake!
And it's always that damn piece(s) of cake that does you in...
So, here's my week: last Saturday I had to go up to my old office because we've moved to another location and we had to get our furniture into storage. I am dragging more than I can handle and decide to stop at Dunkin's for a cup of coffee. And if I'm going to get coffee, why not get a bagel to go with it, right? Yup. We (the guys we hired, really) finished the moving and I headed off to the grocery store to get something for dinner. We had a friend coming over to visit!
I veered, once again, off of track and bought chicken. Not part of the cleanse. I made lemon chicken - the chicken is cooked in butter and it's in a lemon cream sauce. So, so delicious but not so healthy!! I also had a margarita and a cider. We did have salad with dinner, so I guess that's something....
On to Sunday. My stepson's birthday. I did well in the morning and when we went out to dinner I had a Caesar salad and tomatoes with mozzarella. Dairy (mozzarella) isn't part of the cleanse but still better than other options in an Italian restaurant. I had no intention of having cake but ended up not being able to resist and had a nice, big piece before I went to bed.
Weekend pretty much blown. By Monday I had gained back the 3 pounds I'd lost AND I'm not at my 10 pound goal for January. But a new week brings a new, fresh start, right? Yah...
I know, I know, none of this is in the "closet" yet, right? Well, I went grocery shopping on Monday. Bought lots of veggies, green drinks, whole wheat goodness and...a box of chocolate chip cookies. The followed me through the entire store! I passed by the bakery just fine but there they were in an end-cap that I passed by, like, three times trying to find funky foods I need for these cleanse recipes. I had to have them.
I got home and nobody was there. Tore into the cookies and then hid them in a cabinet. Oh, and I also had another piece of stupid birthday cake. Tuesday night, when hubby went to the grocery store, I had some more and then put them in the cabinet by my bed. I was hungry at 3 AM when I was up with the baby and finished them off. What the hell is wrong with me??
I've never admitted this out loud: I have a habit of buying foods that aren't healthy - cookies, frosting, candies - and secretly eating them. I clearly know I shouldn't have them, hence the reason for hiding the eating. My husband doesn't tell me I shouldn't have it if I just put it in the cabinet, though, it's all me. I don't want people to know I am eating it. It's a problem that I don't understand and don't know quite how to fix. I hope if I just try to continue to focus on my weight loss that I'll be able to stop as I start losing and seeing a difference.
I want to lose this weight. I don't want to continue to sabotage my weight loss goals. I want to meet my 60 pound goal for my friends wedding. I don't want to be secretly eating foods that I shouldn't have. I need to get my act together and focus on what I need to do. I know I'll feel better - and healthier - if I do. Why is it so hard to do all that stuff?
Here are 3 things I am going to do and report back on by Monday:
1. Exercise for 20 minutes for three of the four days.
2. 1 cup of coffee only and no other sweets, including alcohol, through the day.
3. Drink AT LEAST 8 glasses of water. More is better.
It's manageable, right? Let's hope!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Carpe Vitam, Baby!
Carpe Vitam: Meaning is Seize the Life or Seize Life
 |
| Red Velvet Cake Doughnut There is a doughnut store near my house that sells the most unusual and delicious donuts. We, my hubby and I, missed the last time the red velvet cake was made and have been waiting for it to come back so we could try it. So, last night they posted that they would be made today and the internal debate began. The multitude of thoughts that run through my head: "I haven't technically started my diet..it's not till Monday." "This is ridiculous, if I can't control myself how am I going to lose 60 pounds by July?" "I should just get all this out of my system now because I start my diet next week." "It's almost on the way to work." "I really need two doughnuts, so what do I want the other one to be." Every day we make choices. Yes or no. Stay or go. Eat crappy food or don't eat crappy food. This is going to be the year that I make choices that allow me to seize life and all the good, fun, amazing things that come along with it. It's not just about a diet, although that's a huge component to feeling better and, ultimately, having a good life. It's about appreciating all that's around me and seizing every opportunity presented to me. I need to be healthy for that. And, by the way, I didn't go to the doughnut store. I had old fashioned oatmeal for breakfast. And I told my hubby that the doughnuts were made today if he wanted them. Yay me! ;o) -Bekah |
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"I think 2 of her friends are kinda big"
This was written in an e-mail by the sister of my best friend regarding the selection of bridesmaids dresses for my friend's upcoming wedding. I'm sure she didn't think I (one of the "big" ones) and the other person would see that. It stung. And it made me angry because it seems kind of cruel. After fighting off the urge to 1. write my friend, possibly copying the sisters, with my response to the dress question and adding some snippy comment and 2. eat my way out of my misery, I realized that I could only be angry at myself. She's right: I'm big. They need to worry about dress sizes because I wear a plus size dress and can't shop at the Gap or Ann Taylor or anywhere else they might want to look for cute little bridesmaids dresses. And that sucks.
I don't like talking about my weight. I think in my every day life I don't always feel fat, although I am becoming much more aware of it. I don't ever really stop to look at myself in the mirror. Its not until I see pictures (and I'm married to a photographer!!!) that I just cringe. How could I let myself get so fat? What in the world is wrong with me?? Why can't I get my life under control enough to manage this one aspect of my life? What in the world am I going to do to lose all this weight???
As my best friend plans her wedding, I have a plan as well. My goal is to lose 60 pounds by her wedding in July. It should be manageable if I keep focused on the goal. I have more to lose, obviously, but I work better in steps because the big picture, in this case at least, is overwhelming.
I've been watching what I eat for the last week or so and have been drinking water, apple cider vinegar and honey in the mornings. I've lost 5 pounds. On Monday, I am going to begin two things. First, I'm going to start a 21 day cleanse from the Crazy, Sexy Diet book http://crazysexylife.com/. It's an undertaking but I'm excited about getting started with something new that will help give me a fresh start. Second, I'm also going to start walking for 20 a day.
I'll definitely blog my progress with the cleanse as well as everything I do in my journey to bring my weight to an acceptable level. If you stumble across my blog, I hope you'll leave a message, either to share a bit of your story or to offer support. I'm going need it!
-Bekah
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