Today's weight 320.4. Goal by next Tuesday is 2.5 pounds.
Not a perfect day yesterday...trying to eat the crap left in the house. Had cheerios for breakfast and an iced coffee (larger than I should have but it's that kind of day). Will work on being on track for the rest, though.
I have been on antibiotics since Sunday for almost ear infections and something close to but not quite strep throat. My son is also started his third round of antibiotics for a double ear infection that won't go away. We had fevers all weekend. My husband, who suffers from depression, is very depressed. He's decided that all his problems and misery is my fault. He can't stand living with me. I'm a negligent parent. I forced him to have our child. I am forcing him to divorce me and he'll once again lose out on raising his child (second marriage for him). As a result of this depression, he can't focus on in work and I am practically the sole money earner. He's mad that I have my son with a babysitter three times a week - I forced it, he says - but refused to compromise on splitting time during the week so I could focus on getting my work done prior to getting the babysitter. I get up and work in the middle of the night to catch up on my stuff while he crawls into bed at 9 and sleeps till 8.
My chest is so tight and it's more than my zoloft can handle. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. I'm exhausted.
My life has never been one of balance. I've been working hard to get good help in place for my son and for my company so that the time I spend with my son is good quality time and he's not just on the floor in my office every day. I am trying to make sure my clients are serviced the way I know they need to be. I'm trying to manage my house - unsuccessfully, I might add - with little help from my husband or step son who lives with us.
I don't know if this is everyone's life. Maybe it's an extreme or it's all relative. But it's so hard when you're an emotional overeater to make the right choices when you have this kind of crap constantly in your life. It's hard when you're so exhausted and overworked to get up and go out and exercise your ass off, literally. But I'm going to, dammit.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Fat Side of 24
It's officially 2 months before my friends wedding. 4 1/2 months since I said I was starting this diet. What have I lost in total? NOTHING. What have I gained in total? 5 pounds.
My friend just sent a email this morning saying that they received the dresses from China and they're all running small so they're sending them to us and we need to try them on so they immediately so they can figure out if they need to order more fabric or do something entirely different. 2 months before the wedding.
So, don't even get my started on why anyone in their right mind would order dressed for your wedding from overseas when there are a thousand and one stores here for all the bridesmaids throughout the country to get to and try on a dress. Insanity.
My dilemma: I told her to order me a size 22. I thought I would at least lose one size and would hopefully have lost more so that I could have the dress taken in for the wedding. But I'm still on the fat side of 24.
I know I've said it in my posts - or at least in my head - but it's time to get serious. Even if the dress doesn't end up fitting, I want to look better than I do for this wedding and in general. I hate how I look. I feel so ugly and can't believe how awful I look in pictures. Never mind my friend, but I owe it to myself to look as good as I can at this wedding.
So here's my 8 week plan ladies and gentlemen (or just me since no one else reads this):
I want to lose 20 pounds, which comes down to 2.5 per week. It's a lofty goal, I know, but I think with a good diet and exercise my body will really be shocked into loss for a few weeks.
1. I will start exercising every day for 30 minutes will up that by 15 minutes every 2 weeks until I'm at an hour.
2. I will drink only one cup of coffee in the morning (I do add creamer and will not stop that).
3. I will drink AT LEAST 80 ounces of water every day.
4. No junk food. Standard diet - salad, veggies, white meat or fish, etc..
5. I will write my progress every day in order to try to keep my head clear enough to maintain my focus.
A busy, busy self-owned business, a baby to take care of and a house to manage is a tough combination for someone who's an emotional eater. I hate that the theory of losing weight, or even managing the weight you lose, is so easy and yet it's so hard to get in the right place to do it. It's hard not to beat yourself up about it and, in turn, somehow eat more to feel better about it.
8 weeks. It's all I have left. I'm past doing this for the wedding. That passed me by a long time ago. Now I have to do this for myself.
Until tomorrow, myself...good thoughts.
My friend just sent a email this morning saying that they received the dresses from China and they're all running small so they're sending them to us and we need to try them on so they immediately so they can figure out if they need to order more fabric or do something entirely different. 2 months before the wedding.
So, don't even get my started on why anyone in their right mind would order dressed for your wedding from overseas when there are a thousand and one stores here for all the bridesmaids throughout the country to get to and try on a dress. Insanity.
My dilemma: I told her to order me a size 22. I thought I would at least lose one size and would hopefully have lost more so that I could have the dress taken in for the wedding. But I'm still on the fat side of 24.
I know I've said it in my posts - or at least in my head - but it's time to get serious. Even if the dress doesn't end up fitting, I want to look better than I do for this wedding and in general. I hate how I look. I feel so ugly and can't believe how awful I look in pictures. Never mind my friend, but I owe it to myself to look as good as I can at this wedding.
So here's my 8 week plan ladies and gentlemen (or just me since no one else reads this):
I want to lose 20 pounds, which comes down to 2.5 per week. It's a lofty goal, I know, but I think with a good diet and exercise my body will really be shocked into loss for a few weeks.
1. I will start exercising every day for 30 minutes will up that by 15 minutes every 2 weeks until I'm at an hour.
2. I will drink only one cup of coffee in the morning (I do add creamer and will not stop that).
3. I will drink AT LEAST 80 ounces of water every day.
4. No junk food. Standard diet - salad, veggies, white meat or fish, etc..
5. I will write my progress every day in order to try to keep my head clear enough to maintain my focus.
A busy, busy self-owned business, a baby to take care of and a house to manage is a tough combination for someone who's an emotional eater. I hate that the theory of losing weight, or even managing the weight you lose, is so easy and yet it's so hard to get in the right place to do it. It's hard not to beat yourself up about it and, in turn, somehow eat more to feel better about it.
8 weeks. It's all I have left. I'm past doing this for the wedding. That passed me by a long time ago. Now I have to do this for myself.
Until tomorrow, myself...good thoughts.
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