Carpe Vitam, Baby!

Carpe Vitam:  Meaning is Seize the Life or Seize Life

Red Velvet Cake Doughnut

There is a doughnut store near my house that sells the most unusual and delicious donuts.  We, my hubby and I,  missed the last time the red velvet cake was made and have been waiting for it to come back so we could try it.  So, last night they posted that they would be made today and the internal debate began.  The multitude of thoughts that run through my head:  "I haven't technically started my diet..it's not till Monday."  "This is ridiculous, if I can't control myself  how am I going to lose 60 pounds by July?"  "I should just get all this out of my system now because I start my diet next week."  "It's almost on the way to work."  "I really need two doughnuts, so what do I want the other one to be." 

Every day we make choices.  Yes or no.  Stay or go.  Eat crappy food or don't eat crappy food.  This is going to be the year that I make choices that allow me to seize life and all the good, fun, amazing things that come along with it.  It's not just about a diet, although that's a huge component to feeling better and, ultimately, having a good life.  It's about appreciating all that's around me and seizing every opportunity presented to me.  I need to be healthy for that.

And, by the way, I didn't go to the doughnut store.  I had old fashioned oatmeal for breakfast.  And I told my hubby that the doughnuts were made today if he wanted them.  Yay me!  ;o)

-Bekah

"I think 2 of her friends are kinda big"

This was written in an e-mail by the sister of my best friend regarding the selection of bridesmaids dresses for my friend's upcoming wedding. I'm sure she didn't think I (one of the "big" ones) and the other person would see that. It stung. And it made me angry because it seems kind of cruel. After fighting off the urge to 1. write my friend, possibly copying the sisters, with my response to the dress question and adding some snippy comment and 2. eat my way out of my misery, I realized that I could only be angry at myself. She's right: I'm big. They need to worry about dress sizes because I wear a plus size dress and can't shop at the Gap or Ann Taylor or anywhere else they might want to look for cute little bridesmaids dresses. And that sucks.

I don't like talking about my weight. I think in my every day life I don't always feel fat, although I am becoming much more aware of it. I don't ever really stop to look at myself in the mirror. Its not until I see pictures (and I'm married to a photographer!!!) that I just cringe. How could I let myself get so fat? What in the world is wrong with me?? Why can't I get my life under control enough to manage this one aspect of my life? What in the world am I going to do to lose all this weight???

As my best friend plans her wedding, I have a plan as well. My goal is to lose 60 pounds by her wedding in July. It should be manageable if I keep focused on the goal. I have more to lose, obviously, but I work better in steps because the big picture, in this case at least, is overwhelming.

I've been watching what I eat for the last week or so and have been drinking water, apple cider vinegar and honey in the mornings. I've lost 5 pounds. On Monday, I am going to begin two things. First, I'm going to start a 21 day cleanse from the Crazy, Sexy Diet book http://crazysexylife.com/. It's an undertaking but I'm excited about getting started with something new that will help give me a fresh start. Second, I'm also going to start walking for 20 a day.

I'll definitely blog my progress with the cleanse as well as everything I do in my journey to bring my weight to an acceptable level. If you stumble across my blog, I hope you'll leave a message, either to share a bit of your story or to offer support. I'm going need it!

-Bekah